Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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