Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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