She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
