He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
