drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
