I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
