my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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