I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
