My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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