I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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