I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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