How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
