i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let's get the cat blown out
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
