TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
