he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
