his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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