I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
