Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize