The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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