Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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