Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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