I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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