Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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