mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
