loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
