Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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