peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
