I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
