weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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