We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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