Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
