There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
