I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
