I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
