Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
