Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
