one two three fourrrrnication!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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