You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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