I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
