how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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