She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
