I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
