You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
