On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
