Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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