She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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