just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
