I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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