It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
