The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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