if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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