hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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