Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
