I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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