i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
A bitchslap is in order.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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