one might say we're banned from that church
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
