I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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