just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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