i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think your dad took our porno
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
