Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize