Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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