We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
